In a stunning display of political theater, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis has decided to end his 2024 presidential campaign and, in a move that surprised absolutely no one, has chosen to “kiss the ring” of former President Trump by endorsing him. DeSantis, once hailed as Trump’s most formidable opponent, apparently realized that bending the knee is a necessary step in the grand dance of Republican politics.
This strategic retreat by DeSantis is sure to give Trump an added boost, especially ahead of the New Hampshire contest, where he aims to deliver a resounding victory over Nikki Haley. DeSantis, despite his aggressive campaign efforts in Iowa, found himself in a distant second place behind Trump, trailing by about 30 percentage points. But fear not, for DeSantis has eloquently explained that a “majority of Republican primary voters” clearly desire to give Trump another chance, as if it were a coronation rather than a primary.
In a straight-to-camera message on X (because, you know, Twitter Spaces is so last campaign), DeSantis made sure to emphasize his disagreements with Trump while magnanimously declaring Trump’s superiority over the current incumbent, Joe Biden. A subtle jab at Haley was thrown in for good measure, suggesting that she represents the “old Republican guard of yesteryear” — a repackaged form of “warmed-over corporatism.”
Haley, in response to DeSantis suspending his presidential bid, wished him well and reminded voters that it’s now down to “one fella and one lady.” Because, of course, we’re not a country of coronations, but who doesn’t love a good political monarchy metaphor?
The Trump campaign, ever gracious in victory, declared itself “honored” by DeSantis’ endorsement and called for all Republicans to rally behind the former president to defeat the supposedly crooked Joe Biden. Meanwhile, they took another swipe at Haley, labeling her as the “candidate of the globalists and Democrats,” because nothing says unity like internal party divisions.
As DeSantis exits the stage with the “DeFUTURE” headline from the Murdoch-owned New York Post echoing in the background, one can’t help but appreciate the masterful choreography of this political ballet, where bending the knee and kissing the ring are essential steps towards conservative glory. All hail the Sunshine State king and the art of political acrobatics!
